It always cracks me up when I see/hear a commercial for the latest “anti-depressant” medication that warns of “SuicidalThoughts”. NOT that it’s a humorous topic or something to be taken lightly at all, but let’s be honest… Am I REALLY the only son of a bitch that has some kind of thought of suicide on a regular basis?  **OK, STOP HERE - THANK GOD FOR SOME SMIDGEN OF ANOMINITY HERE - MY THERAPISTS WOULD WIG THE FUCK OUT!  I AM NOT GOING TO KILL MYSELF!  I DON’T WANT TO, I HAVE A SERIOUS FUCKING WILL TO LIVE - BUT…** OK, that’s out of the way, so…

Ever since I can remember, I’ve had thoughts of what it would be like to off myself.  Seriously, since like kindergarten, I’ve wondered…. “hmmmm….. what’s it like to die?”  The only way I can figure out to really KNOW what it’s like to die is to do it consciously and on purpose.  I mean fuck a duck.. If you step off a curb and a bus hits you you’re kind of clueless right? But if you plan it, and actually have the balls to pull it off, then MOTHERFUCK you KNOW!!! right??  So it cracks me up when medication ads warn of suicidal thoughts.  I always think “Hell’s Bells, I have those anyway, so why worry about that little side effect?” 

It makes me wonder if the subjects participating in the tests that answer “yes” to the “Suicidal Thoughts” question on what I’m sure is a Scan Tron sheet of how the medication make you feel, are just really honest, really under fucking water, or just dicking with the researchers. 

Thinking of “killing myself” always brings up all those wonderful fun thoughts like “is there an afterlife?”  “Will I have to make amends to all the motherfuckers I had a hand in killing while I was alive?”  “What about the people I pissed off that already died?  Will I have to deal with them?”  “What if I “die” but really just wake up from a really fucking bizarre Kafka dream”?  “Will I make it to Heaven if I take my own life?” “Is the sky really blue?” 

Anyway, someday when I have a $150.00 hour to waste, I’m just goingt to tell one of my therapists that I have frequent suicidal thoughts just to see if it’s a common thing and find out how a straight jacket and involuntary commitment to a mental facility feels.  It might be fun, it might suck balls.  Jury’s still out at bit.

One last thought…. I’m sure Baby Mama is going to call or txt or email asking me if I’m ok as soon as she reads this.  I’m all good!  Just rambling.  Peace out!  (And by that I dont’ mean I’m going “OUT”, just saying “later”!)

Bwhahahahahahaha!!!!!